I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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