One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
