I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
