I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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