You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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