U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Apparently you make a good broom.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
