So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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