i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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