when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
