How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
