Your mouth is God's brothel.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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