I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
