I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
