I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
