I think I won the penis lottery.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
