from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
