Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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