is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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