those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
