the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
