last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
