so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
