Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
