Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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