No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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