would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
