I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
