that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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