Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
