so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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