god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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