wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize