Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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