hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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