in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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