Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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