You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
