ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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