I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
