i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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