And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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