i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
