i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
