Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
