I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
