I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
