uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
