I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
where are my eyebrows?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
