dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
