he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
