i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
