The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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