It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
