You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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