I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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