i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
