There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
