So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
