I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
