Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
