You smell like stripper and shame
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
