i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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