Having a random hookup so left but love u
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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