it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
