First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
