Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
