the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
