SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
