Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
