they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
