My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
operation have a gay friend backfired
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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