Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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