my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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