and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
