he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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