I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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