Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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