I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
