im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
